Babysitting Mishap
by Tetol
Summary: Sasuke never wanted to leave his daughter in the hands of Naruto Uzumaki. His wife forced him to do so and they ended up with a hole on their house, the hokage being eaten, and their daughter learned a new word. Fun. Watch as Naruto Fail his ass off.


_Ehem. I'm on a roll, baby. __ .__ Support me or Die! *evil laughter* I plan to make this a prequel to one of my stories *which I have forgotten by the way* but meh, might as well post this. LOL._

_Ehem. Dedicated to a certain friend of mine on TM. Lab ya, Kimmy-Chan.

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**And this is why Naruto will never baby sit the Uchiha kids again.

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Sasuke Uchiha was feeling something beyond annoyance than he usually does for his wife. Oh sure, he felt the same way when she was screaming bloody murder at him when he accidentally fed their son tomato juice when Kaoru was just 5 months old—common mistake. Could have happened to anyone—and when she had come home late one evening because Tsunade needed her—He needed her more than that old hag—but this, this was different.

Sakura was supposed to be smart. She was top in smarts and hell, she even beat him and Naruto in climbing a fucking tree and yet she does this? This, this stupidity! It's not excusable for an Uchiha!

"Will you please stop glaring at me? I have no choice, Sasuke." Sakura shouted, placing down the lipstick she was just using a few seconds ago hard on the table.

Sasuke stayed propped in the master bedroom's doorframe with a scowl on his face and with his arms crossed over his chest. Obviously, he's ticked off. "You could have called somebody else."

"Neji and Tenten are on their—what is it this time? Third Honeymoon? Kiba is out training the dogs. Chouji, Shino, and Lee are on a mission. Kakashi is sick. Ino and Shikamaru are out since its their anniversary. Tsunade and Shizune are out of the country, gambling. Hinata is taking care of HER kids which leaves us to Naruto or Jiraiaya and hell would I leave my kids with that pervert." Sakura explained, hoping that her words would get through the thick skull Sasuke has and if this goes on, her fists would be the one doing the grinding.

"Seriously, Sakura, Do you trust Naruto to baby-sit our kids? Especially Maho?" Sasuke couldn't contain himself. The thought of leaving his sons and oh god, especially his daughter to the hands of Naruto Uzumaki is maddening for Sasuke! "Why can't we just bring her along?"

"Sasuke, Naruto has and is taking care of Konoha. He can handle a teen, a kid, and a toddler. Relax or it'll ruin your night or most importantly, our night and Maho can't come. They don't have kiddie seats in that restaurant." Sakura goaded Sasuke with her words and her hug. She knew he was worried but this was extreme. Besides, Naruto is his best friend. He should have more faith in him.

Sasuke looked down his beautiful wife. Even at the age of thirty-two, she still looked stunning enough, both to his happiness and his annoyance. Hell, he would be happy if she looked past twenty, he'll still love her but no, she just has to stay looking young and still get freaking fanboys. Sasuke Shuddered at the memory of her suitors even while she was pregnant with Keichi.

"Fine but if I see one scratch on Maho's body, I am blaming you." Sasuke spoke, pushing Sakura away an inch to plant a kiss on her lips.

"Wow, Sasuke. Thanks for caring about your sons." Sarcastically, she spoke as she watched her husband take his coat from their bed.

As if ignoring her statement, Sasuke walked towards her, placed her arm around his arm, and started to walk down the spacious hallway of the Uchiha Manor. Though they've been living there for more than 10 years now, Sakura was still amazed at how large her house is and how much money they had on their bank account.

_You shouldn't really be surprised, Sakura. I'm the only heir to the Uchiha clan so all their money has no choice but to go to me then I got money from assassinations and missions back when I was in sound._ She remembered him saying. He even told her that she doesn't need to work with the money they have and what he's making per month. Sakura ignored him for a week because of it and Sasuke learned a new lesson.

They walked down the marble staircase and immediately they saw their three kids lounging around in the living room. Sakura couldn't help but smile at how cute they were.

"Wow, mom. You look great." The first to notice them was their second son, Kaoru. He was a bright nine year old boy with sparkling green eyes and black dark hair. He's still a genin but he could hold his own when it comes to strategies against both her and Sasuke. In the battle field though is the problem.

"Thanks, Kaoru." Sakura smiled and kissed his pale cheek. Sasuke couldn't help but agree to his son. Sakura looked stunning in her black mini dress. It was simple, it was chic, and she looks amazing.

"What time would you be home?" Keichi asked, leaning his head back the couch backrest to see them better, making his black bangs fall away from his pale face. The black eyes of his looked at them with interest.

"Around midnight tops. We'll call the house anyway before we go home." Sakura answered with a smile. Keichi was the eldest of her kids being thirteen years old. He's already a genin and is working his way up to Jonin. Sasuke couldn't be any prouder of him and even if he doesn't make it into Jonin this year, Sakura doubts Sasuke would be less prouder of him though his scorn from being told what to do and his impeccable temper is getting to be a problem for both him and his parents. "House rules apply, no going out at all, and take of your little sister."

As if a snake bit him in the ass, Sasuke froze from the realization that his one and only beloved daughter was missing. "Where the hell is Maho?"

"She's with Uncle Naruto at the kitchen." Offhandedly, Keichi answered as he turned back to watching the show being displayed on their huge TV.

Flashes of scenarios containing a certain little three year old girl getting stabbed by knives, eyes poked with forks, lungs drowned in water, throat getting chocked with noodles, and a body being covered by the fridge flashed through Sasuke's mind. Cold sweat appeared in his temples and his usually pale skin turned even paler.

"Oh crap." Sakura muttered as she stared at her husband panic over something as simple as Maho getting a snack with Naruto.

As if timed, Naruto came walking into the living room with a raven haired little girl in his arms eating a strawberry taken from the bowl he held in one of his hands. Sakura could feel Sasuke whispering his calm down words quietly.

"Heya, Naruto. Thanks again for agreeing to babysit the kids. It's been a while since me and your buddie here got out for dinner." Sakura greeted, chucking her thumb at Sasuke.

"Its fine, Sakura-chan. I've been too busy at work this past few days and its also been a while since I saw my little godchild here." Naruto rubbed his nose with Maho, earning a giggle from the toddler. "Thank Kami, she prefers strawberries than those gross tomatoes."

Three pairs of eyes immediately glared at the insult.

"Mama," they heard Maho spoke as she reached for Sakura. Sakura moved closer and took her sweet little angel in her arms. "Can't Mao-chan go?"

"Sorry, sugar but mommy and daddy can't take you. You'll get bored."

"But Mao-chan wants to go." With the cutest pout ever and her teary green eyes, Sakura could predict that this girl could turn anyone into putty. She's already made Sasuke, the human Ice Cube, putty in her hands, what more the rest of the normal people on earth?

"Don't you want to spend time with your Uncle Naruto?"

"I do, he gives me strawberries and he has funny tattoos on his face." Almost immediately, the pout turned into a grin. Oh great, now Naruto is putty.

"So why don't you stay and play with your uncle Naruto and we'll come back and bring you a present, how does that sound?" Maho's cute cherub head bobbed vigorously. "Alright then, now give mommy some sugar before we go."

Noisily, Maho kissed both her cheeks. Sakura returned the favor to her baby's pale cheeks. She did the same with Sasuke and seemingly, Sasuke had a harder time leaving Maho alone than even she, her mother, was.

Sakura handed Maho back to Naruto. "Naruto, Remember: Don't let them go out for anything unless of course there's a fire. I trust you won't set the house on fire. Please. No jutsus and make sure they go to bed early."

"Yes, Ma'am!" Using his other arm to carry Maho, he mockingly saluted. Maho copied it enthusiastically.

"Alright then, we'll be going. We'll see you guys later." Sakura bid goodbye as she wore her coat and walked towards the front door.

Sasuke stopped walking midway to the door and gave his sons a stare. For some unknown reason to Sakura, the two boys nodded as if agreeing to something and here she thought Sasuke didn't bond with the boys much.

Sasuke's stare's hidden message: _Remember our rule. Kill anyone who harms your sister.

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As expected, this baby sitting gig was easy peasy-life is easy. The Uchiha kids were too well mannered and too well in all to actually cause some ruckus in the house. It was like Sasuke broke the stick that was always up his ass into three and shoved one on each one of his sons.

Maho, or full named: Mahomika, was too much of an angel to actually be a kid of Teme. I mean, come on, its expected from Sakura's child maybe with… Neji? Or… Or… Okay, there is no other decent guy in Konoha good looking enough, other than him of course and he has to admit, Neji and Sasuke do rank up the handsome list way below him though, to actually create such an angel.

Naruto looked down at the sleeping baby in his lap. She was sweet, cute, and pretty. No doubt his little goddaughter would rake in tons and tons of fanboys when she grows up. The thought immediately brought a scowl on his face. He'll have to do something about that. He can't have his only goddaughter getting harassed by boys all over town. It's also his duty to protect. Maybe he can make a law or something to prevent boys from walking into a five meter radius from Maho. Yeah, that could work.

Just as Naruto was planning his plans on how to get that approved by the elders—maybe showing them Maho would do the trick—Noises from upstairs started to become louder. Loud enough to reach the place where he was sitting.

In fear of waking up the kid, Naruto stood up carefully and placed her down on the couch with a pillow beside her to prevent her from falling. Using chakra, he sped up the stairs and stopped in front of the door where the noise was coming from. _Holy mother effing hell, I think I just went deaf._

He banged on the blue door loudly when he found out that the door was locked. "OI! Keichi! Shut that noise down! Your little sister is sleeping!"

_No response._

"**KEICHI, YOUR SISTER IS SLEEPING!"**

_No response._

"Goddamn it. That's it." Quickly making his famous handsign, Naruto made a shadow clone of himself. Well, you know what they say: if you can't come in through the door, make yourself your own entrance.

"**RASENGAN!" BOOM! **

As the rumble and the dust cleared, Naruto stood and admired that he has done. Now isn't this interesting. The noise stopped. Maybe he blew the cords along with the wall.

"What the hell, dude? Why'd you blow up my fucking wall?" Keichi shouted angrily as he glared at the blonde haired Hokage.

"You were too fucking noisy. Maho was sleeping!"

"You asshole, Maho is a deep sleeper and is used to this racket! She never once woke up to my music. Now a sound of a wall being blown would definitely wake. HER. UP!" The young boy explained loudly, hitting the side of the hole. His hit only made the hole bigger as some more of the wall came down.

"It does? She is? Sorry, my bad." Naruto laughed sheepishly, scratching the back of his head in a sad attempt.

"Dad is gonna Chidori your ass when he gets home." Keichi gritted through his teeth and glared with the same intensity his father does with those same obsidian eyes. Naruto felt a chill come up his spine.

"Hey guys," Kaoru broke through the dust, a panicked expression on his face.

"What's it now, Kaoru?" Keichi snapped, taking his glare from Naruto to his younger brother.

"I can't find Maho anywhere." Kaoru gulped.

"**WHAT?"**

"I checked downstairs when I heard the explosion to see if she was still asleep. I checked the couch since you were sitting there a while ago but she's not there." Kaoru explained, his fright growing by the second.

Without another second to lose, Naruto rushed downstairs and went back to the couch. She can't possibly be not there. He left her there. Finally, the realization struck down into Naruto's tiny little brain.

HE LEFT A THREE YEAR OLD ALONE! Oh and not just any three year old. Sasuke's only beloved three year old daughter.

God, he's so getting chidoried.

"Okay, okay. We must not panic. We should find her before.."—quick glance at the clock—"Okay Panic. Its 2 hours before midnight. Great Ramen Gods, Sakura and Sasuke would kill me if they find out."

"Oh shit. Dad is so going to blame me for this. I knew I should have killed you when I got the chance."

"K-kill me?"

"Both of you shut it and listen. We have two hours and we'll spend every second of it finding Maho if needed. Nii-san go outside and see if you can detect her chakra from either outside or inside the estate, Naruto-sama please look down here, Most probably she's still in the ground floor. I'll take care of the upstairs." Kaoru instructed sternly as he grabbed something from inside the wooden drawer besides the couch.

"Here," Kaoru threw two small earpieces in the precise direction of the two. Keichi caught in the air with a swish of his hand. Naruto caught it with his head in a sad attempt of trying to get it with his hands.

Keichi felt disappointment, _Is this really the Hokage?_ He just shook his head in utter discontent.

"We'll use this to contact each other. Nii-san, please inform us as soon as you feel her chakra." Kaoru further explained earning a nod from Keichi.

"Babies have chakra?" Naruto butted in, rudely with disbelief etched right across his face.

"Most don't but we started feeling Maho's chakra a few months ago. It's still a few sparks so its better if we let nii-kun locate it. He already recognizes the chakra signature to begin with."

"You just don't think I can locate it." Naruto pouted to himself.

Keichi and Kaoru chose to ignore the brooding middle aged man. "Okay. 2 hours on the clock. We are so screwed if we don't find her in time."

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Naruto was panicking, oh hell, his ass was panicking. The Uchiha mansion was ten times bigger and wider than the Hokage tower and its hallways and rooms go on and on. He could almost feel the chidori already sticking up his sorry ass. Not to mention, the broken bones he'll definitely get from the other half of the Uchiha pair.

_**Fzzztt… I…. chakra…. Outside…**_

The radio mike thingie wheezed, Naruto pressed the ear piece harden on his ear.

_**I didn't find any chakra outside. She must be inside.**_

The large lump in Naruto's throat subsided even by a little. At least, if ever they or HE gets caught with this, he could suggest they all look for Maho inside the house. Of course that would leave him limp and probably senile for the rest of his life but it was better than saying, "I'm not sure if your daughter got abducted by other ninjas or if she's somewhere buried sixth feet below the earth." Hopefully, that thought is a lie.

Naruto was getting confused. Where is he again? He's been walking endlessly down this brick—what happened to the marble?—walled hallway with only the torches hanging on metal hoops to light his way around. A cold finger ran up Naruto's spine. He knew the Uchiha Estate was big but he never imagined it to have a labyrinth. _HAHAHAHAHAHA. Labyrinth. Funny. Wait, what's a labyrinth again?_

In a distance, Naruto saw a split road. One on the left and one on the right. Now he's fearing if he would get lost inside this hell hole. No doubt Sasuke made this to torture every single living thing that ticks him off. Naruto gulped, _on second thought, maybe its not cause I tick him off. A lot. And I don't want to end up here._

Even in his mind Naruto was annoying and loud but it wasn't enough for him to not notice the small white ruffle of the hem of the skirt disappear to the left road. Naruto remembered Maho wearing something white and frilly.

With his hopes flying sky high, Naruto ran as fast as he can to catch up. When her turned that corner, he not only saw the girl he's been searching for but he also saw the very monster of the Uchiha house.

**"FUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKK IT!"

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"Kaoru, have you heard from Naruto-sama?" Keichi asked over the mike, it suddenly went real quiet a few minutes ago and Naruto and quiet doesn't mix well most often than not.

"_**No, I haven't. Last thing I heard someone say over the intercom is you."**_

SHIT. Keichi muttered, standing up from where the branch he was perched on. Something was definitely wrong and it definitely happened to Naruto, the idiot. It was no wonder really that his dad calls Naruto Dobe though he is the hokage.

**CRAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGG!**

The loud crash made the tree Keichi was standing on rock, making him fight to gain his balance. "Something wrong" is finally located and goddamn it, it made a hole through the left wing of the house. Joy. As If his wall wasn't enough damage as it is.

"Kaoru, found him?"

"_**Yeah, and he found Maho."**_

"Let's go." With those final words, Keichi disappeared from where he stood, leaving nothing but a few leaves waving among the air.

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Naruto ran for his life through the huge garden. What the fuch is up with the bushes? Its bad enough they are scattered all over the place, they just had to be 5 feet tall. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO JUMP WHEN THERE'S A FREAKING 50 FEET TALL SNAKE ON DRUGS CHASING YOU?

"Uncle Nawuto!" He heard the familiar baby talk. You know what's weird? He swore he heard it coming from behind. With a quick glance, he looked behind his back.

_50 foot black snake, destroyed bushes, oh, and look, Its Maho riding on top of the snake's head. How cute._

...

...

...

_**WAIT. WHAT?**_

Naruto looked back again and there she was, riding happily on top of the snake's head without a care in the world. He found her, he finally found her!

"Hiya, Uncle!" Naruto watched Maho wave with a gleeful smile spread across her face. "Oh wall."

_SLAM!_

And look at it folks, Naruto, the great idiotic Hokage, has hit a goddamn fucking wall. Nice. This is really a step up for Konoha. Suna must be so jealous.

Naruto stood up in a flash, finally seeing what his situation is. Wall + Corner + Snake = Dude, you're screwed.

"Okay, Maho-Chan…" Naruto spoke, smiling sheepishly as his whole body shook with fear. _Genin fears, Genin Fears are coming back! _"Tell the snake to move away."

"Demo VenVen-Chan is Hungry. She hasn't eaten yet." Maho spoke, placing her stubby little finger on her bottom lip. Naruto would have swooned at the sight but there was this big ugly snake slithering its tongue that just cancels the picture.

"Teme—I mean, Your daddy would feed him—Her when he gets back, Maho-Chan. Now please tell DenDen to move away."

"VenVen, uncle. VenVen."

"A-ha-ha. Gomen, gomen. Can you please tell Venven to move away and not eat Uncle?"

"hmm…. Okay!" Maho chirped. Naruto just felt the world come off his shoulders. "You can eat him, VenVen-chan."

_The world just hates me for being too awesome. Stupid Kami._

Then everything went black for Naruto.

"Waii! VenVen ate, uncle! Waiii!"

_**Damn Sasuke's sperm.

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Sakura has the most fabulous night. It was a nice dinner, the food was delightful, and her husband was as sweet as he could ever be. It was such a rare occasion that her husband actually became sweet and man, did she love it.

She looked up Sasuke who was still brooding apparently, when he's not being sweet. Sakura could only sigh. "They're fine and when we get home, you'll see how way better Naruto is than you thought."

"I doubt that, Sakura."

"Oh pooh. Give Naruto some slack. He has kids of his own, he'll know how to handle it."

"**VENVEN! Spit! NOW! Don't you dare digest!" **

Sakura looked sharply at Sasuke, "Venven? Isn't that the snake you've allowed Maho to play with?"

_Oh Holy Crap._

"Goddamn it, Sasuke. I swear if something happens to my little baby, I am gonna hang you with Venven's lifeless body!" Sakura boomed, stomping her foot on the ground. Sasuke fell back a few steps. Sakura neither noticed the crater beneath her feet and her broken heel. "Well? What the hell are you waiting for? GO!"

Add this up to the times when Sasuke feared for his life.

"What the fuck happened to our house? It has a hole the size of a small village on the side of it!" Sakura exclaimed, pointing at the said hole with her free hand as the other was holding onto Maho. What a relief it was for Sasuke when he saw that his little angel was safe and not inside the digestive track system of the snake.

"Um… Mom…"

"Oh, I'm not done yet, Keichi. Sasuke, Hold Maho." Mother gave daughter to father and started glaring at the sons again. "How did this happen? We left you for not more than…"

"Mom."

"Shut up, Kaoru. No anything except food and water for the both of you. I don't care if you need to train your asses off, you are both grounded for a month."

"Mummy…"

"Yes, sweetheart?" Sakura smiled at her cherubic little daughter. Sasuke could only sweatdrop. She was biased yet she scould him on being biased. Women. Sheesh.

"When would uncle Nawuto go out of Venven-chan's chomach?"

"What? Naruto is in Venven's stomach?" Sakura shouted in frantic fear. The village would drive them away when they find out that their pet snake ate the Hokage. Not to mention, Hinata's probably gonna chakra seal them for the rest of their live and/or paralyze them whichever comes first.

_**

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3 hours later…

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**_

"I am never ever gonna fucking babysit for you again!"

"At least you're alive, Dobe."

"Fuck off, Teme."

"Otou-san, what is Fuck?"

_crackle… crackle… __**CHIDORI**__._

"**GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!"

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**

_The ending sucked… well, I was getting tired writing it. :PP. Might as well post it, right? Got any problem with it? Yeah.. fine, not that funny. I'm SORRY! :(. Could you at least like, spare a review or something? That'd be awesomesauce. :D_

_BTW: chapter three of Failed success would be coming out hopefully this month. HOPEFULLY. Support me…_

_Anyone have tumblr? Follow me and I follow you. :". .com_


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